Well, we're back from our holiday to the States. It's always very wonderful and very difficult to go home. Things change, it's hard to leave, and it's like living in a bubble. Shop, eat, whatever you fancy. Then the reality flight home and BOOM! You're back in the UK, which isn't home and doesn't feel like home.
My head is full of troubles at the mo. I mean, come on, they aren't REALLY troubles. I don't have to have chemo, or have my house repossessed, or enter into a custody court battle. But my constant concern for my daughter's upbringing and my constant dissatisfaction of where I'm living is taking it's toll. I don't mean to whine. But what's a blog for anyway?? Add to these two constant loops playing in my brain the other loops - my parents are lost souls, financially we are stupid, and in my desired career I have achieved zippo. It's time to make some changes and they're gonna be big ones. How do you know they're right?? Moving here felt right at the time. Staying here after 10 years doesn't.
I was always close to my friends and family. I enjoyed knowing my way around a city and the people and culture within it. I am just a boat adrift here. Staying here is for two people - my daughter and my husband. So I guess I am asking the universe, sorry, the Universe, to send me what I need. I need an opportunity. A reason to pick up and go. To move my family and offer them a better life. That is the question. IS life any better there than it is here???
Maybe I need to work on that question and get back to you.
Until then I will try and avoid the mines - unlike real mines, when mine explode like confetti all around me, I like to scoop up the confetti from off of the ground and play with it. Like people who have baggage and like to take it out and unpack/repack it. Oy.
later taters,
peace
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
The car goes where the eyes go
The car goes where the eyes go. Ponder this for a moment. What do I mean? Better yet, what does Garth Stein mean? He penned it - in his most amazing book 'The Art of Driving in the Rain'. I will gush over this book for just a moment. http://www.garthstein.com/news/index.php#26
I picked it up with about 8 other books in the airport shop on my last return trip home from the States. It was all random/impulse purchases. One book I wanted but the others were in the top 20 or 40 or whatever. Their titles or covers or subject caught my eye and on a whim I whittled away at the already non-existent space on my book shelf. Three Cups of Tea, Turtle Feet, The Art of Running in the Rain, Animals in Translation, In Defense of Food, Who's Your City are the ones I have read or am reading now. I have greatly enjoyed my random wandering through peoples' stories, experiences, thoughts and ideas. I seem to enjoy fact more than fiction however The Art of Running in the Rain has taken the pole position in this race.
It's fiction but it speaks volumes about life and it's journey. Our choices, or struggles, where we want to be, were we find ourselves and how determined are we to be true to ourselves? The car goes where the eyes go. This has stuck with me. One of many fantastic quotes in this book. But this one. It spoke to ME. It made me think - where have my eyes been looking? Where am I leading myself? What the hell is going on here? My eyes have been looking down at the floor, or only a few feet ahead. Looking at my daughter, staring into space. Looking at too many futures and not one future that speaks to me. I let my goals and aspirations fade. They have lost air like an old balloon and now they are just shrunken shapes of their former full selves. If my eyes are looking nowhere then that is where I am going. If the eyes give up, so does the car.
The beauty and humour in this book, the pain and the 'stick it to the man' attitude. The mountains this story must climb, it always knows where it is going. For people who love dogs (or even people who don't), for people who cheer for the underdog, for people who love a smooth and fast entertaining read, for people who want a love story (people who love and dogs who love), this is the book for you. Not once did the language of the author stop me or leave me thinking I would have said that differently. His characters are true down to their very core. Their voices (including the dog's for this book is told from the view point of the dog) bring alive their character. Who won't fall in love with Enzo? Who won't want to go up and hug Danny? And the other characters with their human flaws and good intentions? Warning: tissues are needed.
I asked my husband the other day what his favourite book was - The Right Stuff. He's read it three times. I couldn't think of one book and I don't think I have ever re-read a book. But I think I will read The Art of Running in the Rain again. It is a fantastic story and if I had thought of it, I would like to think I would have written it just as well.
So, where are the eyes now? They are looking. Looking at a future that makes me happy, that pulls me forward, that makes sense to who I am and what I want to do, what I feel I was meant to do. And everyone around me will benefit from the car, OUR car going in the RIGHT direction. Just to get the eyes looking - otherwise the car just sits and that's a damn shame.
later taters x
I picked it up with about 8 other books in the airport shop on my last return trip home from the States. It was all random/impulse purchases. One book I wanted but the others were in the top 20 or 40 or whatever. Their titles or covers or subject caught my eye and on a whim I whittled away at the already non-existent space on my book shelf. Three Cups of Tea, Turtle Feet, The Art of Running in the Rain, Animals in Translation, In Defense of Food, Who's Your City are the ones I have read or am reading now. I have greatly enjoyed my random wandering through peoples' stories, experiences, thoughts and ideas. I seem to enjoy fact more than fiction however The Art of Running in the Rain has taken the pole position in this race.
It's fiction but it speaks volumes about life and it's journey. Our choices, or struggles, where we want to be, were we find ourselves and how determined are we to be true to ourselves? The car goes where the eyes go. This has stuck with me. One of many fantastic quotes in this book. But this one. It spoke to ME. It made me think - where have my eyes been looking? Where am I leading myself? What the hell is going on here? My eyes have been looking down at the floor, or only a few feet ahead. Looking at my daughter, staring into space. Looking at too many futures and not one future that speaks to me. I let my goals and aspirations fade. They have lost air like an old balloon and now they are just shrunken shapes of their former full selves. If my eyes are looking nowhere then that is where I am going. If the eyes give up, so does the car.
The beauty and humour in this book, the pain and the 'stick it to the man' attitude. The mountains this story must climb, it always knows where it is going. For people who love dogs (or even people who don't), for people who cheer for the underdog, for people who love a smooth and fast entertaining read, for people who want a love story (people who love and dogs who love), this is the book for you. Not once did the language of the author stop me or leave me thinking I would have said that differently. His characters are true down to their very core. Their voices (including the dog's for this book is told from the view point of the dog) bring alive their character. Who won't fall in love with Enzo? Who won't want to go up and hug Danny? And the other characters with their human flaws and good intentions? Warning: tissues are needed.
I asked my husband the other day what his favourite book was - The Right Stuff. He's read it three times. I couldn't think of one book and I don't think I have ever re-read a book. But I think I will read The Art of Running in the Rain again. It is a fantastic story and if I had thought of it, I would like to think I would have written it just as well.
So, where are the eyes now? They are looking. Looking at a future that makes me happy, that pulls me forward, that makes sense to who I am and what I want to do, what I feel I was meant to do. And everyone around me will benefit from the car, OUR car going in the RIGHT direction. Just to get the eyes looking - otherwise the car just sits and that's a damn shame.
later taters x
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Dust on the books, procrasination rules!
Here I am - typing this blog. I have just rearranged my cook books. They have a new home now and they look very nice sitting just outside the kitchen, all in a neat little row. What does this have to do with my day and all the things I am supposed to be doing? Absolutely sweet FA.
Nada. Zilch-o.
It's funny how a looming task that worries us enables us to do another task that we have completely ignored for days, weeks, even years. Suddenly you just HAVE to clean out the drawer with all the take away menus. Or that sock drawer is looking pretty dubious, better check it out. Meanwhile the laundry is not folded, the bills aren't paid, your homework for your degree (in my case) is waiting to be completed, the playroom is still looking like an outtake from the movie Twister. The bathroom? Been in there lately? Oh, yes. That's a task for the next procrastination episode - sort through the bottles of lotions and potions collected but not used much lingering in the cupboard. Oh, that one will be fun because I can stop and smell everything.
Or not.
Right, so if this blog is going to take me away from the task I SHOULD be doing (there is therapy in there right? If I WANTED to do it I WOULD be doing it....blah blah blah) then I will express something meaningful. Something worth your time to read. Not just my ramblings about things I do when I should be doing something else. Ok. I can do that.
But not now - I've just looked at the clock. Fun time over - I have less than 4 hours to get my boo-tay in gear before Ms. 4 year old returns from school and then the 'i can't get a thing done's' REALLY begin.
Until another time. Oh, wait a minute, look at that big stack of magazines on the floor!! Surely they need my attention!!
x
Nada. Zilch-o.
It's funny how a looming task that worries us enables us to do another task that we have completely ignored for days, weeks, even years. Suddenly you just HAVE to clean out the drawer with all the take away menus. Or that sock drawer is looking pretty dubious, better check it out. Meanwhile the laundry is not folded, the bills aren't paid, your homework for your degree (in my case) is waiting to be completed, the playroom is still looking like an outtake from the movie Twister. The bathroom? Been in there lately? Oh, yes. That's a task for the next procrastination episode - sort through the bottles of lotions and potions collected but not used much lingering in the cupboard. Oh, that one will be fun because I can stop and smell everything.
Or not.
Right, so if this blog is going to take me away from the task I SHOULD be doing (there is therapy in there right? If I WANTED to do it I WOULD be doing it....blah blah blah) then I will express something meaningful. Something worth your time to read. Not just my ramblings about things I do when I should be doing something else. Ok. I can do that.
But not now - I've just looked at the clock. Fun time over - I have less than 4 hours to get my boo-tay in gear before Ms. 4 year old returns from school and then the 'i can't get a thing done's' REALLY begin.
Until another time. Oh, wait a minute, look at that big stack of magazines on the floor!! Surely they need my attention!!
x
Sunday, 31 January 2010
three cups of tea and other beverages
i have quite a bit to say about this, but I am tired and it's late.
suffice to say 'three cups of tea' is an amazing and true story of one man's determination to make a change and not be thrown off course under any circumstances. it has changed my view point of some very serious topics - the far east, islam, afganistan, pakistan. anyway. it is worth your time. i'm so pleased i picked it up in NYC at the bookshop at JFK after a couple of cocktails.
I also bought about 8 other books. Turtle Feet is also one of them. Again, amazing story.
Isn't it amazing that I think it's amazing that people just strike out and do. go. live.
later my taters
suffice to say 'three cups of tea' is an amazing and true story of one man's determination to make a change and not be thrown off course under any circumstances. it has changed my view point of some very serious topics - the far east, islam, afganistan, pakistan. anyway. it is worth your time. i'm so pleased i picked it up in NYC at the bookshop at JFK after a couple of cocktails.
I also bought about 8 other books. Turtle Feet is also one of them. Again, amazing story.
Isn't it amazing that I think it's amazing that people just strike out and do. go. live.
later my taters
Friday, 25 December 2009
When is too much too much?
Here I sit, digesting and thinking about when I can eat more. The food was so good. Is it really THAT good or is it because we only cook like this occasionally? So many foods from our sentimental past. My grandma's noodles were a feature this year - they turned out perfectly. The turkey (which I only eat if I can see it wandering the field before it's brought to our table) was divine. Gravy - this year an exact science that couldn't have been better. I always forget something - this year it was the dressing (sitting in the freezer from a double batch made at Thanksgiving). But with minutes to spare I shoved it in the micro to thaw and a quick blast in a hot oven, then spooned onto waiting plates at the table. We didn't even REALLY need it, but hey, at least I remembered!
The dilemma - no room in the fridge which is the size of a medicine chest. So much food left over plus leftover chinese take out from Christmas eve. What to do? Why didn't we cut back? Why didn't I leave the dressing in the freezer? And also food in the fridge from the weekend Christmas open house. Oy. We'll be taking some of it round to friends. I will dream about the turkey sandwich (or as my daughter spells it 'sanwij') I will have tomorrow. You see?? I am already dreaming of the time I can eat more and I'm still in great discomfort from the food I've just had!! TOO MUCH FOOD makes you crazy.
I didn't make dessert this year because I knew with just four people (one of them being four years old) we simply wouldn't need it. Yet we're making ice cream sundaes shortly. With home made chocolate chip cookies. You see?? It never ends. The holiday of stuffing oneself.
Where is my self control? My willpower? Did I leave it in my stocking or wrap it and send it away by mistake?? Geez, I hope not - I'm gonna need it when the whole new year's resolutions kick in!!
later mashed tater and merry hoho
The dilemma - no room in the fridge which is the size of a medicine chest. So much food left over plus leftover chinese take out from Christmas eve. What to do? Why didn't we cut back? Why didn't I leave the dressing in the freezer? And also food in the fridge from the weekend Christmas open house. Oy. We'll be taking some of it round to friends. I will dream about the turkey sandwich (or as my daughter spells it 'sanwij') I will have tomorrow. You see?? I am already dreaming of the time I can eat more and I'm still in great discomfort from the food I've just had!! TOO MUCH FOOD makes you crazy.
I didn't make dessert this year because I knew with just four people (one of them being four years old) we simply wouldn't need it. Yet we're making ice cream sundaes shortly. With home made chocolate chip cookies. You see?? It never ends. The holiday of stuffing oneself.
Where is my self control? My willpower? Did I leave it in my stocking or wrap it and send it away by mistake?? Geez, I hope not - I'm gonna need it when the whole new year's resolutions kick in!!
later mashed tater and merry hoho
Thursday, 24 December 2009
When the countdown gets to 1!
Hi there me.
It's Christmas eve here in Bedford-town, UK. We've picked up our free and happy turkey from the local farmer, dropped off cards, bought last minute shopping and baked cookies. We're headed over to some friends for ghost stories (!), mulled wine, a christmas film or two for the kiddies and something involving the words 'take out' for dinner. All the ramping up to bring us to this day. Tomorrow is Christmas in this house. What fun!
I'll do another post once the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and I can see over my stomach after Christmas dinner. For anyone else reading this - Happy Holidays!
later xmas tater!
It's Christmas eve here in Bedford-town, UK. We've picked up our free and happy turkey from the local farmer, dropped off cards, bought last minute shopping and baked cookies. We're headed over to some friends for ghost stories (!), mulled wine, a christmas film or two for the kiddies and something involving the words 'take out' for dinner. All the ramping up to bring us to this day. Tomorrow is Christmas in this house. What fun!
I'll do another post once the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and I can see over my stomach after Christmas dinner. For anyone else reading this - Happy Holidays!
later xmas tater!
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
the downward spiral shaped like a holiday
So, we're counting. Yep. I bet you are, too. It's December 1st today. 23 days until Christmas. 23 days until the fat man comes down our chimney and leaves a doll that is a princess that turns into a fairy with purple or green wings under the tree ('i'm not sure santa understands what you're describing my sweetie'). 23 days until i become a whirling cooking maniac. 23 days until my husband eats an entire tin (I mean a BIG tin) of Celebrations mini-chocolates all by himself, starting at around 6:30am. 23 days until we swear we won't buy 'this much stuff ever again!!'. Do we even remember how this holiday came to be in the first place? I try. I try and find time between Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts, addressing cards and trying to obtain desired food stuffs. Between the girls' Christmas dinner, the daughter's Christmas pageant, and the various other holiday experiences that must happen. I sound really put out don't I?
But here's the thing. I LOVE this time of year. I love that my husband gets to be home for about 10 days straight. I love that there is no school. I love that we get a REAL tree (even though my husband REALLY disagrees with this). I love the hokey faux church with rainbow lights that we put out near a window. I love the food (the best free range bird we can find). I love the stories and the tipple, the neighbours dropping round. One gift on Christmas Eve and chinese food. I love it because it's mine to create. I can take all the things I really loved about Christmas when I was a kid and transform it - create something like it but more personalised for my daughter. It's her Christmas memories I'm making now. I want them to be warm and fuzzy, very special and full of fun.
So, although it feels like a downward spiral because I put every bit of this work on myself, it's actually a countdown to a great time with my little family. Everyday she asks 'Mommy, is tomorrow Christmas' and I answer 'in three weeks' and she says 'in three days?' and I say 'no in three weeks'. The advent calendar will be out this week and the fun begins. She'll see the countdown for herslf. We'll take her to a caroling service this year at a church in the town center. She'll have newly created decorations that she made in school for our tree. We'll video her performance as an angel in the school production. It's all going to be magical because I'll
see so much of it through her eyes. It's changed the holiday for us. It's magic.
Happy holidays everyone!
x
But here's the thing. I LOVE this time of year. I love that my husband gets to be home for about 10 days straight. I love that there is no school. I love that we get a REAL tree (even though my husband REALLY disagrees with this). I love the hokey faux church with rainbow lights that we put out near a window. I love the food (the best free range bird we can find). I love the stories and the tipple, the neighbours dropping round. One gift on Christmas Eve and chinese food. I love it because it's mine to create. I can take all the things I really loved about Christmas when I was a kid and transform it - create something like it but more personalised for my daughter. It's her Christmas memories I'm making now. I want them to be warm and fuzzy, very special and full of fun.
So, although it feels like a downward spiral because I put every bit of this work on myself, it's actually a countdown to a great time with my little family. Everyday she asks 'Mommy, is tomorrow Christmas' and I answer 'in three weeks' and she says 'in three days?' and I say 'no in three weeks'. The advent calendar will be out this week and the fun begins. She'll see the countdown for herslf. We'll take her to a caroling service this year at a church in the town center. She'll have newly created decorations that she made in school for our tree. We'll video her performance as an angel in the school production. It's all going to be magical because I'll
see so much of it through her eyes. It's changed the holiday for us. It's magic.
Happy holidays everyone!
x
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